Last names are in the (feminist) news/blogs lately, and I couldn’t be happier.
Mainly because I love love love reading and hearing about all different opinions on the topic of changing last names after marriage.
Personally, I kept my last name. This may not be a permanent thing, but I’m in no rush to change it.
I know I’ll never take the Husband’s last name, but it is possible that we’ll create a new last name and both change our names to it. Which would be awesome.
This is the Husband’s initial reaction to most ideas or views I have:
However, then I ‘strongly suggest’ that he read articles and listen to me talk about my views and he always ends up supporting and even agreeing with me.
I picked an amazing man, for sure.
Anyway, the thing that irritates me most in conversations about whether a woman will change her name after marriage is the lack of thought that seems to go into such a big decision. Granted, I over-think most things in life, but it seems like changing one’s last name is not exactly a small deal and requires a great amount of time and hassle, not to mention any emotional implications.
Two articles (here and here via bluemilk) caught my attention over the weekend, and I couldn’t say it any better than these two ladies do. However, I will say a few things I’ve found in my own experiences:
- I made it known as soon as the Husband and I got engaged that I would not be changing my last name. It was an easy decision to make. Basically, I could not think of a single reason I would change it. Fast forward a few months… not having the same last name has not caused one single problem in the four months since we’ve gotten married, and I don’t anticipate it will cause any problems in the future.
- Both of our families are fine with me not taking the Husband’s last name. Or, at least they haven’t said anything about it to us.
- The Husband originally asked me to change my last name but admitted he had never considered changing his. This is how I know I don’t want to do something: when the Husband asks me to do something (because of my gender) that he would never consider doing himself. So, I asked him to change his name with me, and now we may create our own last name at some point. Although it’s not important for me to have the same last name as the Husband, if it’s important to him I’m willing to meet him halfway.
- The Husband did not seriously consider what it meant for me to change my last name until he considered changing his. It was at this point when he started thinking, ‘Oh wait, would I change it professionally or just personally?’ ‘How much paperwork do I have to fill out?’ ‘Would I use it socially?’ etc. Ah, now he understands!
- When people (including the Husband) ask me about our future children’s last name(s), I never know what to say. All I know is that our children will have a last name. It might be the Husband’s, it might be mine, or we may have changed both of our names to a family name that we’ll pass along. I would love to alternate our children’s last name so that a few would have his and a few would have mine. Overall, I’m not too concerned about this detail, but I do think it’s fun to think about! I mean, seriously, I’m sure I will traumatize my children in so many different ways throughout their lives, the last name I choose for them is not going to be what they talk to their therapist about.
- I don’t think there’s anything wrong with women who do decide to take their husband’s last names. However, the 50% of Americans who believe that it should be illegal for a woman to keep her last name… they’re clearly crazy.
- Some of my friends think that there is a lack of unity in my marriage because we don’t have the same last name. I think that this assumption is nutty. I mean, we got married, which seems like a pretty ginormous commitment, so I’m not sure how me filling out tons of additional paperwork will solidify our relationship even more.
So, I’ll leave you with a picture of us. Two individuals, two last names, married, very much in love, and laughing through most of life’s moments.
