Warning: There are some things that I probably shouldn’t post on the internet for everyone to read… but I’m not very good at censoring what should and shouldn’t be shared so I’ll just go ahead and share this conversation. I’m pretty sure this probably crosses the line into TMI. Sorry about that.
As a preface, you know how certain things happen during the day and you’re just SO GLAD that you’re friends have Google Chat so you can immediately tell them super-personal and random info? Well, this was one of those times.
*Sidenote, the following is why you should probably be glad we aren’t Google Chat friends, because this is the type of deep conversation you’d be subjected to*
Me: so i just went to the bathroom and realized that my underwear has a hole in them (i swear, it wasn’t there this morning). which means i’m accidentally wearing crotchless underwear at work.
Friend: well if you are wearing a skirt, i hope you were sitting like a lady 🙂
Me: i’m in pants, THANK GOODNESS
Me: do you think this means my vaginal secretions are crazy acidic and are eating the cotton?!
Friend: omg, for (the husband’s) sake i sure hope NOT!!!
Me: oh good point.
Me: that would be SUPER unfortunate
Friend: you would be like the praying mantis
Friend: they rip the males head off after sex
Me: we’d have to go to the hospital to have them explain why he was disintegrating
Friend: umm yeah
Me: well that’s KIND of like this, except way more violent and intentional
Friend: haha right
Me: well, i feel much better. i’m glad we had this talk
Me: i think we’ve determined i’m probably going to end up with a member-less husband
Me: i may as well start looking for a replacement
Me: although, if it’s technically my fault, a replacement probably wouldn’t do me any good at all!
Friend: haha no, unless you get some kind of cream to balance the pH levels
Me: this has all gotten very complicated
Me: i’m really afraid to search ‘acidic vaginal discharge’ on my work computer
Me: from now on i’m wearing lace. if those start getting holes then it will look totally normal and i can live in ignorance
Friend: lol lace is full of holes to begin with!
Friend: or you can just buy crotchless underwear
Me: i’m now seriously questioning your work wardrobe
Me: you’re taking business casual to all new levels
I also shared this ‘news’ with a couple of other best friends (and the Husband), who all reacted semi-similarly. No one acted surprised, though. I’m glad my friends really get me.
Anyway, happy hump day!