What a difference a letter can make!

During our marriage prep classes at our church, the Husband and I (and all other couples) were required to do the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator ‘quiz’. Now, I freakin’ love personality tests, or any evaluation which allows me to learn more about myself and the Husband and the two of us together. Out of all personality indicators I’ve taken (a lot) this is my favorite one. Actually, I had taken this evaluation before when I read the book, Please Understand Me IIbut it was an especially especially valuable experience to take the evaluation with the Husband.

It turns out, we’re almost the same person, except for one little letter…


I am an ESTJ while the Husband is an ESTP. 


We’re both:


We take in information by SENSING.

We make decisions by THINKING.

But the Husband deals with the outer world by PERCEIVING while I deal with the outer world by JUDGING.

This small difference makes a big difference in our marriage.

Individuals who prefer PERCEIVING (like the Husband) tend to like a flexible and spontaneous approach to life and prefer to keep their options open.

ESTP Myers Briggs

Individuals who prefer JUDGING (like me) tend to like a planned and organized approach to life and prefer to have things settled.

ESTJ Myers Briggs

You can see how this could cause some marital conflict! 

An example of this is when the Husband and I are  on vacation. I love to have plans and schedules! The Husband, however, is completely comfortable not having any plans. The same goes for planning our weekends each week. No plans?! The Husband is ecstatic and relaxed. If we don’t have plans I’m scrambling trying to make plans, otherwise I’ll be unhappy all week leading up to the weekend and then most likely during the actual week itself.

Am I a control freak? Well, some might say yes – but really, it’s just my personality! I deal with the outer world by JUDGING, darnit! And there are lots of other people who can relate to this, too.

I can’t recommend taking this assessment enough (especially if you’re in a relationship) enough. It’s so easy for me to just think the Husband is ‘wrong’ or ‘strange’ or ‘crazy’ or ‘irrational’ or … well, you get the picture. And it’s equally easy for him to think that I’m the strange one! (Me? Strange? Impossible to believe, I know.) But, the truth is, neither one of us are any more normal or abnormal than the other, we’re simply different from one another!

I really want to take this quiz again, now that it’s been over a year since we initially took it. I wonder if being in this marriage has changed either one of us at all. I know that being around the Husband has actually been me way more comfortable functioning without detailed plans and I go through life a bit more relaxed than I had before.

So, buy Please Understand Me II or take this assessment online, learn about yourself and your partner and see what you find!


If you’ve already know your Myers-Briggs type, were you surprised at the results? Do you know your spouses’ type?! Did it help explain anything about your relationship?


Cheers to differences!

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