At least TELL me we’re stealing the cable!

Yesterday was a semi-traumatic day in my life.

You may think I’m exaggerating, but I assure you, I am not.

You see, I had a great morning.

The Husband was working from home, the weather was beautiful, Ozzie was acting like a normal dog (I just felt like he should be mentioned in the story) and life was happy for everyone.

Then (after lunch) the Husband left for work and I left for CrossFit. Normal Tuesday activities.

I came home sweaty and tired and excited to get my afternoon started.

This is what my afternoon generally looks like (as an unemployed person with no kids):

Ellen & Judge Judy

2:30 – Jeopardy (I scream answers at the TV and Ozzie looks bored and unimpressed, even if I get the right answer).

3:00  – Ellen (I laugh and I cry and once again, Ozzie is not amused).

4:00 – Judge Judy (Ohhhhh Judge Judy, tell them how ridiculous they are! Tell them how it is! You go, lady!)

So you see, my schedule is pretty strict without a lot of wiggle room. Usually I enjoy these shows while snacking on something delicious (basically I eat my lunch at 3pm).

Now, yesterday, per usual, I sat down on the couch, snack in hand, Ozzie at my feet, and I turned on the TV.

And what did I see?

Blue screen of death. Not the same blue-screen-of-death that a computer would have, but similar. Basically this screen informed me that my signal was scrambled. Uhhhh say what?!

Now, we don’t have cable. We get CBS, NBC, WGN, ABC and FOX, so I wasn’t even aware we were getting any ‘signals’ at all, and I certainly didn’t understand how all of a sudden they’d be scrambled. Of course, I blamed this whole thing on the Husband. He has our TV hooked up to a computer, which we use as a guide / DVR / etc. and I don’t understand it so naturally I think it’s to blame for everything that doesn’t work with the TV.

Anyway, the Husband was at work so he suggested I call our cable provider. (I sent him a TON of frantic ‘EMERGENCY’ text messages and he really did not take them as seriously as I had hoped. Something about leading a meeting and my ‘cable emergency’ not being important or something.)

I call the cable provider. An automatic message tells me I owe $300. I send more angry text messages to the Husband (he pays this bill). I press 0 a few times so I can talk to an operator, and she explains to me that she doesn’t know why the system is saying that we owe anything because we’re current on our account.

I don’t apologize to the Husband (it wasn’t my fault that the system misled me!) but I did recant the earlier texts that may have been accusing him of irresponsibility in paying bills.

Alas, billing wasn’t our issue. Our issue was that we had been ‘stealing’ cable and the cable company finally cut our service. After 2 years. 

At least this is what the customer service rep told me. And there’s nothing I like less than being accused (well, it wasn’t such an accusation as it was an explanation) of stealing ‘cable’ when we don’t even HAVE cable. 

I mean, isn’t it my right as an American consumer to get at least the basic channels?!

Evidently it is NOT (per the cable guy) and we have to pay for even the very basic of services.

Who would have thought….? (The rest of America, probably. I was just blissfully unaware.)

I then proceeded to text the Husband angry messages about not (at least) telling me that we were stealing cable. Generally, if we’re stealing something, I like to know about it so when I call the cable company I don’t sound like an idiot!

Me: “Why is my cable out?”

Cable guy: “You don’t get cable, ma’am.”

Me: “We’ve always gotten at least 5 channels…”

Cable guy: “Well then you were stealing them. Our services cost MONEY.”

I apologized and plead ignorance (which wasn’t at all hard to do) and then explained to this not-so-friendly man that I really just wanted to be able to watch Ellen at 3pm every day, so I would need to figure out how to do that.

Needless to say, we’re now signed up for 70 channels for $5 extra per month (since we use that provider for our internet and were in fact paying someone for SOMETHING.)

The Husband claims that the internet people knew we were getting the basic channels when they came by to hook up the internet and just didn’t switch it off … or something. I don’t know, I kind of stopped listening to his explanation.

Now we don’t have cable until we get some sort of magical box thing from the cable provider’s pick-up center… what a mess. 

So if you need me from 2:30-5pm today, I’ll be around. Online or reading or something. But I will definitely not be watching TV. Even Ellen. 

I may be sending angry texts to the Husband, instead.

The end.

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