If you were to ask me how I’m doing…

If you were to ask me how I’m doing today, like really ask me, this is what I’d probably say:

Because what are best friends for if not to ask how we’re REALLY doing?

– I would say that I’m doing well. But then I might pause and say ‘actually, not really.’

– I would say that this pregnancy thing is uncomfortable. And that my ribs hurt because Bumpy has run out of vertical space (darnit, being 5’2″!) and his/her butt is against my rib cage and I’m just tired of the constant pressure there. It hurts when I sit, and now it’s starting to hurt even when I’m reclined. But I’m still okay when I’m lying on my side or standing, so that’s a small blessing.

– I would say that pregnancy can feel very isolating. Almost none of my friends have been pregnant and (for the most part) they just don’t get it. A few of the Husband’s friends have had babies recently, and that is definitely soooo nice because at least I have real people to bounce questions off of! Really, I miss being in a life stage that my girlfriends can relate to, but obviously I wouldn’t change where I’m at for the world.

– I would mention that I’m tired. So inexplicably tired. I don’t know if this is because I’m stressed or my body is just worn out, but I’m trying to eat healthier in hopes that it helps.

– Speaking of (healthy) eating, I would confess that I’m tired of feeling guilty for eating how I want to eat. Every day I feel like I should be eating healthier for this baby. Or exercising more. Or exercising less. Or planning more. Or stressing less. The guilt is real and it is (sometimes) defeating.

– I would say that I love reading about labor and delivery and I’ve started Hypnobabies and I’m really determined to (attempt to) have a natural birth. I’m aware that this might not happen for me, for reasons beyond my control, but it is my goal and it’s frustrating when people act like it’s crazy.

– And actually, I would add that I’m already tired of hearing people’s opinions about pretty much everything in my life right now. The name change thing, some parenting decisions we’ve already made, pregnancy, labor and delivery… I just don’t want to hear any more (negative or discouraging) opinions, and I know it’s only going to get worse.

– I would say that I feel like I hit this invisible pregnancy wall and now everything is going downhill. After the first trimester I felt like it was only going to get better, because the second trimester would come around soon enough. Now that the second trimester is long gone, I know I’m going to feel worse and worse every day, but eventually this little guy/gal will be here and I know it’ll be worth it, but right now I’m not feeling very optimistic about my ability to handle these next few weeks gracefully!

– I would say I feel guilty that I don’t love every second of pregnancy. I do love every kick and baby movement, even if I joke that I do not. Nothing makes me believe in miracles more than this little being inside of me.

I would say that I’m not sure if I’m going to be a good mom, but I’m going to try my very hardest. 

– I would say that I also can’t believe I’m actually going to be a mom by July. Maybe it’s because I don’t have any baby stuff yet, but I just can’t wrap my head around this huge life change.

I would say I wish  (some of) my friends and family were more involved in this pregnancy thing, because sometimes it’s nice to have someone to talk to about it, even if they don’t necessarily understand everything I’m dealing with. Some days I feel like I’m the only person who’s interested in this little life we’ve created. Well, of course the Husband is plenty interested, but I don’t always count him. These feelings may be me being overly-sensitive, but if you had asked how I’m feeling today, I’d probably mention this because it’s what I’m really feeling, whether or not it’s warranted.

– And I would add that I’m honestly surprised that certain ‘good’ friends haven’t even called/texted/emailed during my entire pregnancy… which I want to excuse as semi-normal behavior, because I have some friends I only talk to a few times a year, but it still hurts my feelings to know they don’t care enough to pick up the phone for even a few seconds to send a text. And I might say I’m sure this is the pregnancy hormones talking, but honestly, I don’t think it is. And I would add that I’m not sure what that means for future friendships and that it makes me sad to think I could be losing friends because we’re just in different places right now.

– I would lighten the mood by affirming that I’m thrilled we decided not to find out the gender of this baby, and that I cannot wait to find out if we’re going to have a daughter or a son, but really I still like envisioning both possibilities and would be equally happy either way.

– I would say that I’m happy that my job contract got extended until July (at least) but that now I don’t have anything to wear and that stresses me out. You see, I would explain, I was planning on just wearing sweats and the same outfits over and over again at home, but now I have to look decent for work – so it looks like I need to buy some maternity clothes!

– I would say that I love my body and all of its recent changes and haven’t been self-conscious about it at all. I think baby bumps are beautiful! But at the same time, it’s annoying to not fit into my old clothes and to have to worry about what looks flattering when I get ready in the morning. 

– I would also mention that I miss being able to workout at my former levels of fitness and that I also miss being able to sit up in bed without using my hands/arms to push myself up. Oh, the little things!

– I would admit that there aren’t enough hours in the day for everything I want to do, and I find that frustrating but also liberating. Some things on my schedule are going to be put on the back burner in the coming weeks, and I don’t know what that’s going to look like, but it will finally force me to slow down (something I’m generally awful at).

– I would say that I’m thankful that the Husband is so supportive and excited about this baby, and that it warms my heart that he talks to him/her often.

– And I would say I’m thankful that overall this pregnancy has been (physically) easy and stress-free and without any complications.

I would end the conversation by assuring you that I’m sure the negative feelings will pass, because despite what I’m feeling today, overall I’m in a great mood and can’t wait to meet this little miracle in a few months.

… But today if you asked me how I’m doing, I would say all of these things – because they’re true. If only for today.

Cheers!

Bloglovin’ | Twitter | Pinterest | Instagram | Facebook )

 

This entry was posted in about me, being an adult, being introspective, currently, imperfection, pregnancy and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *