This week Tim has been especially on point for saying things that he probably should just think and not say out loud (especially to his wife who may or may not be hormonal at any given second).
And these convos are too good not to share.
You’re welcome in advance.
Tim: I just found out that my (female) friend is polyamorous, I thought you’d find that interesting!
Lisa: Definitely! Just make sure she knows that you’re not polyamorous.
Tim: Oh, she’s not my type.
What I was thinking is: Tim, you are married so you no longer have a type. K, thanks.
(Setting the scene: last weekend I decided to drive while Tim and I ran errands. I never drive in the city because I just really dislike it and I can’t parallel park – that’s a whole different issue, but I wanted to practice driving so I feel more comfortable driving Clara around while she’s screaming.)
Tim: So… you’re one of those really calm and peaceful drivers, huh?
Lisa: YES! I am!
Tim: IT’S SO FRUSTRATING.
Tim: (Explaining what a woman in his gym looks like) She’s like your size, but skinnier.
Tim: I just mean she’s your height but smaller.
Tim: … Because she’s not as toned. Like, you’re bigger because of your muscle tone.
Tim: I probably should have just said she’s your size and left it at that, right?
Ohhhh this husband o’ mine.