Going from One to Two (children, that is)

I anticipate that I’ll be writing a lot of posts on this topic. A lot.

If I even survive to tell the tale… gulp.

I get asked often how the transition from one to two kids compares to the transition from zero to one kid.

Initial thoughts on transitioning from having one child to two children - a few weeks in!

My thoughts on the transition from one kid to two

In a nutshell: it’s all difficult.

Welcoming Clara (our first baby) into our family was challenging because – hello, everything in my life changed! Everything. I became a stay at home mom, I had to make new mom friends and join new mom groups (which-  even though I loved meeting new people – was also intimidating because I had very, very few mom friends at the time), Tim and I had to actually schedule date nights and find babysitters, I had to figure out breastfeeding and baby sleep schedules and navigate the world of baby products, and my social plans started involving a lot more coffee and a lot less tequila. Plus, a lot of my relationships changed, including my marriage. Then there were all of the physical changes with my body to adjust to… Basically nothing in my life went untouched.

Welcoming a second baby was hard, too, of course.

To start with, it was really challenging being pregnant with a very-young toddler, because I simply lacked energy. (I still feel guilty that I’ve spent half of Clara’s life pregnant and not operating at maximum-awesome-mom potential.)

Now it’s difficult because I have two young kids to take care of! I mean, that pretty much says it all, right? At any given moment I’m trying to breastfeed one while the other one is telling me she needs help going to the potty. Or breastfeeding one while the other one needs to be fed, too. Or breastfeeding one while one wants my attention for any number of reasons. It turns out it’s very difficult to multi-task while a child is attached to my boob.

(So far parenting two little ones under two has been manageable because Tim has been on paternity leave, but that all changes today, as he goes back to work. Gulp.)

Welcoming the second baby has definitely been easier in certain ways – thank goodness.

I was so laid back with Clara that I was convinced I couldn’t possibly be more laid back with a second kid, but I am! For instance, with Clara I used an app to remember when she last ate and slept… I haven’t used it all this time around. Maybe I will in the future when I want to start tracking naps, but for now, I’m technology free with this baby. Also, I knew what to expect for my c-section recovery and breastfeeding, so those processes seemed to go a lot smoother this time around. I spend a lot less time on Google (researching every little thing) and more time bouncing a crying baby while asking Clara to stop whining. I feel even more confident with baby Isabelle, and I’m grateful for that because I feel less emotionally exhausted by the newborn phase.

The thing that has made the biggest difference, though, are the mom-friends I now have in my life. When Clara arrived on the scene I had almost no friends with babies, but now I have relationships with dozens of moms! It makes a world of difference to be able to talk to women who understand the trials of motherhood – and who can celebrate small successes (She pooped in the potty! She slept 4 hours!), as well.

To answer the original question, about whether it’s harder to go from zero to one kid or one to two kids, my response is:

Going from one to two kids has been more challenging, but I feel like I have more resources this time around to tackle the difficulties. And going from zero to one kids was definitely more life changing.

Moms with more than one kid, what were your thoughts on going from one to two (kids)?

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8 Responses to Going from One to Two (children, that is)

  1. Love this perspective! I feel like I might be less laid back with this kid because I actually have time. With Bensen, I never read books, but I’m in the middle of my second right now… I mean, I’ve done this once, how difficult could it be, right?! Unless my baby isn’t a good sleeper… The thing I’m most worried about is breastfeeding, since I never really actually did that with Bensen, I’m thinking about all of my wardrobe and trying to figure out how that’s going to work with this new little one.

    • Lisa says:

      Well even if you have more time, you’ll also have a toddler AND a newborn, so you’ll probably feel like you actually don’t have any more time to dedicate to the newborn! I don’t mean that negatively, I just mean that you’ll probably still be very laid back and awesome the second time around, too! I’ll be sending you good breastfeeding vibes – you can do it!

  2. How did you meet your mom friends? I’m a SAHM in a city that I moved to 2.5 years ago so I don’t have any friends from home or any work friends. I go to a church with around 1,000 members and only know a handful of those people, and they all have older kids and work outside the home. There’s no MOPS groups or any other mommy groups that I’ve been able to find. I would love to have a mommy friend community!

    • Lisa says:

      Oh that is HARD. I meet moms at MOPS and through church groups. We’re part of a small group that is comprised of all young families, so that has made it easy. In Chicago I was also a part of a moms church group and small group of young families. Are there Facebook groups for moms in your area? Does your church have small groups that meet during the week? Honestly, if they don’t have a moms group that meets during the week, maybe this is a great opportunity to organize one! I know that probably sounds intimidating, but it just involves getting a group together, picking out a book or study to read through, and inviting moms in! I’m sure you aren’t the only person in your community who would love to meet other moms!

      • There’s MOPS groups all around me within an hour radius, but none here. Probably because it’s a college town haha. I’ll have to ask around at church to see if there’s any groups I don’t know about. I’ve thought about starting one, but it terrifies me! I’m sure with a congregation near 1,000 I’m not the only SAHM 🙂

  3. You are SUPER WOMAN in my book! I dont know how you do it!!

  4. erinhzauner says:

    haha…the whole breastfeeding and multitasking conundrum. wondering how that’s going to work out for us too! i’ll be picking your brain for tips and tricks pretty quick here. you are going to be so good at this mom of two thing!

  5. Pingback: The transition from two to three kids | Naptime Chai

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