One of my obsessions of 2018 was the Enneagram. Anything and everything related to the Enneagram.
I first came across the Enneagram in high school, when we did a mini-study of the nine types. Back then I enjoyed it, but it didn’t really resonate with me. Looking back, this is because I very clearly mis-typed myself (as a type 2).
This past year I took an online test (this one) and discovered I’m absolutely a type 7 (with an 8 wing). Guys, I feel so known when I read articles or listen to podcasts about my type! I love learning about the types so much that I forced strongly recommended that my small group do this book as a study so we could all learn each others’ (and our own!) types. I find it all really, really interesting and helpful in getting to know myself and others.
There are so many Enneagram resources out there that I won’t go into a description about the types here, but instead I want to share what I like and what I struggle with as a type 7.
Enneagram Type 7 – The Good
- Energy! I have a lot of energy. I mean, it’s not like I am energetic every moment of every day, but I find that I am generally a high energy person who truly enjoys doing things. I don’t get tired easily, even though, of course, there are seasons of life/motherhood when I am just as sleep deprived as everyone else. Even then, though, I still feel like I can rally when something fun presents itself and I almost never turn down a social plan/opportunity.
- Optimism! I tend to find the silver lining of just about anything and really don’t get very ‘down’ about life.
- A variety of interests and love of learning! The list of things I love and want to learn and do in a day is basically endless. I want to do and experience every single thing in life and become an expert in all of the things. Whether it be a language or photography or even the Enneagram itself, as soon as I hear about something I tend to want to get deep into it and learn as much as I can.
- Travel/Adventure! Along with having a lot of interests, I want to travel and see all of the places in the entire world (basically). I’m quick to say yes to an adventure or activity, and I get to experience a lot of things this way. I have had a lot of fun and have enjoyed a lot of experiences by seeking out and planning new places to travel.
Enneagram Type 7 – The Bad
- Distracted – I tend to bounce from one thing to another. This makes me seem scattered and unfocused and even in conversations I feel like sometimes it can be hard for people to keep up with my train of thought because I have so many random things happening in my mind at once that I just need to express. Also, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have no less than a thousand career path ideas because I have so many darn interests! I know I just need to focus on one thing, but it’s hard!
- Not being in the present – It’s hard for me to really live in the present because I’m always thinking about the future and planning the next activity/adventure. I actually think I’m good at enjoying where I am on an hourly basis, but for life in general, I’m often thinking about the next phase. (For instance, instead of always enjoying my toddlers in this precise phase, I tend to want to plan what I’ll do with them over the summer or even in the next two-five years.)
- Fear of commitment – I don’t love commitment. Buying a house… not something I was comfortable with. Buying a car… nope. The thought of living somewhere for more than a few years… I hate it. Even RSVPing to events is stressful for me because I always think something else might come up that I’d rather do instead and I don’t want to limit myself.
- Anxiety – Type 7s are known for keeping themselves distracted/active/busy to avoid any unpleasant feelings, and this is true for me! I hate being alone. I hate being in silence. I am not comfortable with negative emotions… I am so not emotional! Even though I don’t necessarily suffer from a large amount of anxiety, I do feel anxious at the very thought of not having a bijillion things to do. A day to relax in a spa or in front of the TV? Nope. I don’t want it. I’d rather hike to a waterfall with a friend.
- FOMO – I want to be having fun every second of every day, which it turns out is not possible, especially as an adult. When I see other people doing awesome things on social media, or hear about others’ weekend plans, I get a pretty strong feeling that I’m missing out on the greater things in life. It makes it hard for me to enjoy living my own life, unless I’m having the maximum amount of fun at any given time. For instance, when we have a ‘boring’ weekend, even though that’s what our family needs, it drives me crazy, because I know there are so many other things in life that we could be doing. (Roadtripping! Visiting California! Hiking! Playing in the snow! Hanging out with friends! ALL OF THE THINGS – no matter how impractical.)
- Expectations – I drive Tim (and probably a lot of other people) crazy because I have high expectations about how I (we) should spend our time. I mean, see the example above. If we have a ‘free’ weekend, Tim would like to do housework and lounge around, and I have at least 80 activities I’d rather do instead. Of course, none of these 80 ideas can really happen easily with toddlers and with a limited amount of time and energy… but I still truly want to do them! It’s hard for me to relate to people with lower energy and interest levels in things. The word ‘homebody’ is like a foreign concept to me.
- Restlessness (as a SAHM) – I resent anything and everyone who limits my freedom and ability to have maximum fun. Do you know what babies and toddlers and kids in general are good at? Limiting freedom and fun! I’m really trying to work through this, but I’ve had an especially hard time being a stay-at-home-mom for the past 4.5+ years because it just isn’t that fun most of the time! Or at least it isn’t ‘fun’ the way I define fun. However, I tend to go on a lot of mini-adventures and rely heavily on playdates to get me through most days, and as my kids get older we’re able to do more activities together.
- Trouble prioritizing – If something isn’t fun, I don’t want to do it at all. I put off housework and errands and most ‘adulting’ activities because it just doesn’t seem worth doing to me if it isn’t super enjoyable. Of course, I realize that I also need to be a functioning person so I eventually do what needs to get done (most of the time), but monotony and boring tasks drive me crazy. I find myself wondering how most of my friends are so organized/on top of things, and then I realize that they just do the darn things instead of avoiding the grocery store for years at a time while going on playdates instead. (Shrug.)
I think that about sums it up! Even though there are more ‘bad’ bullet points than good ones, I actually love being an Enneagram type 7! I think the good are SUPER good, but I think it’s especially valuable to know what challenges about the type resonate with me, in order to work on overcoming them and continue to strive to be the best version of myself!
I would love to know what type you are (especially if you’re also a 7!) and what you love about it. If you don’t know, go take the quiz and let me know the results! I’ll wait…
I only recently discovered the enneagram test and found it super fascinating! I took 3 versions of it and got helper type 2 on all of them. In reading about type 2’s both my brother and husband agreed that it absolutely described me. Now I’m making everyone I know take them! haha It’s so interesting though and I do think they’re actually helpful.
One friend took it and sent me her type and as I read through the common traits, it said something to the effect of “often blunt but doesn’t mean to be hurtful, is very direct” and I was like OHH. I often worry I’ve pissed her off or something but I think it’s just her natural communication style. It’s helped me not take things she says so personally.
Ohhhh type 2s are some of my favorite people! Is the friend you’re referring to a Type 8? That’s what Tim is and I actually thought it was helpful reading about his type because although it may SEEM like he’s being an a-hole, he’s really just way more direct than most people. At least that’s how I interpreted it. 🙂
What type is your husband?!
My sister is SUPER into the enneagram and made us all figure out what type we are two Christmases ago. I’m a six, though I certainly didn’t need a quiz to help me figure that out, haha. I’m very much a worrier, and I’m also loyal to a FAULT (one of the most insightful things I ever had anyone else tell me about myself was that my loyalty is both my greatest strength and weakness, and I couldn’t agree more). I’m pretty sure I’m about as six as they come.
Hahaha I love that your sister forced you all to do this! One of my best friends is a six, too! It’s interesting that someone described loyalty as being a weakness – I’ve never thought about it that way!
I hope this doesn’t come off as rude but over the years you’ve mentioned numerous times how you don’t really enjoy being a SAHM. Can I ask why you left your job to stay home? I obviously don’t know your finances but I figured as a CPA childcare would’ve been affordable. Just curious because I have infant twins now and always pictured myself staying home, but then over maternity leave realized I’d lose my mind if I didn’t go back to work lol.
Oh this is kind of a long ‘story’! was actually laid off from my full time job a few months before I got pregnant with Clara, so being a SAHM kind of fell into my lap and I consider it a calling, albeit not a fun or easy one! Once I found out I was pregnant, I stopped looking for a permanent job and settled into some temp work instead, which I loved. Then I had Clara and it was basically just too hard for me to find a job within a year of having her, and I loved being at home with her full time when she was a baby. When Clara was a year old I got pregnant with Isabelle and we moved across the country so I decided to wait another year or so before job searching again. I started looking for a part time job last year (when Isabelle turned 2), but it’s really hard to find a part time job that pays enough to afford childcare for two kids in Seattle, so I put it on hold again and continued to volunteer. Then the plan was for me to go back to work this fall, but of course now I’m due with our third baby in the spring…! I still plan on going back, though, if we can figure out childcare.
Soooo long story short:
– I didn’t quit a career/job I loved to be a SAHM, which made it a much easier choice not to go back.
– Childcare is super expensive which has made it hard for me to go back part-time.
– Tim and I made the decision that it would be best for our family (and his work schedule) for me to stay home full-time for the first few years of starting a family. It’s something we both value, but know it’s not going to be a permanent arrangement. This is just a season of life.
BUT there are many days where I wish it was easier for me to just work part-time! I feel like that would be a sweet spot!
Phew, I probably should just turn this response into a blog post! 🙂
Hmmm, I think I am going to have to re-gram myself. I remember doing this in high school so well, and still remember a lot of people’s types from that point! I was a 7, and it HUGELY resonated with me – when we did it, I had just returned from spending the summer in Mexico on my own, was finding that colleges appealed to me largely based on adventure quotient, and was working two part-time jobs, advocating avidly for many causes, and taking computer class instead of study hall to keep myself busy! I don’t think I was wrong at the time, but a lot has changed for me. I think your type isn’t really supposed to change? But I think mine did? Will try again when I have a chance, maybe this weekend, and let you know how it goes!
Definitely take the test again! I was a Type 2 in high school, which didn’t really resonate with me then, but I’m not sure if I was necessarily a Type 7 then either… I did read in a book that we’re actually supposed to type ourselves based on how we were before age 25 (or something like that) before external influences changed us. I mean, I’m wording that badly but something like that. I’m not sure peoples’ types necessarily change, but I do think that people give more self aware answers when they actually know who they are instead of who they WANT to be, so for me that means I know myself much better now! Although the types are based on childhood wounds so those wouldn’t necessarily change… but I’m not sure I even knew what my wounds were in high school, and I definitely had different ways to cope with them then. Definitely text me to tell me what you are, and have Mangesh take it, too!