Ozzie: I need to bark at every skateboarder, bicycle, stroller… if it has wheels, I need to bark at it (while also trying to chase it).
Reality: You will never catch anything on wheels, please stop trying to pull your owner into traffic with your crazy attempts.
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Ozzie: Is that a runner?! I need to wait until they get really close and then lunge at them.
Reality: Runners hate when dogs unexpectedly snap at their ankles! It’s really very unnerving and now you are one of those dogs and your owners get quite embarrassed every single time it happens, even though they now know to keep you on a very short leash if a runner is approaching. If a runner comes up from behind though, well that’s just unfortunate for everyone involved.
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Ozzie: I am solely responsible for keeping these two incompetent humans owners safe so I must bark at every strange noise. I will also sit on this couch and stare at the street all day, every day, to ensure the safety of the neighborhood.
Reality: People walking down the street are not threats. Other dogs on leashes are not threats. Sounds from neighbors walking around outside are not threats… The humans can take care of you, not vice versa! But Lisa does appreciate having you around, just in case someone actually was trying to break in.
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Ozzie: I never get fed. Ever.
Reality: You get fed twice per day, at the same times every day… so you can stop sulking by your empty food dish.
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Ozzie: I also never get walked. Ever. This is why I get so excited when someone finally says we’re going on a walk!
Reality: You get walked 3-4 times a day! And it appears that you immediately forget you were walked as soon as you step foot in the house, because as soon as Lisa moves the leash to put it away, you think you’re going out yet again.
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Ozzie: Of course I sleep in the humans’ bed, where else would I sleep?
Reality: Some dogs do not sleep right between their owners. This is because it makes sexy time a little more difficult. However, your owners love you and so allow you to sleep wherever you want. It would be nice if you would start sleeping at the foot of the bed though, just a suggestion!
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Cheers to pets, even if they are a bit difficult.
