As you may have seen earlier this week, the Husband and I just celebrated our first year anniversary of marriage!
Yay for us, right!?
I’m sure there are tons of celebrity couples (well, and other couples) whose marriages haven’t lasted as long as ours, which is making me feel quite good about our ‘accomplishment.’ (Yep, just sitting here, patting myself on the back for a marriage that lasted longer than Kimmy K’s first second one.)
Now, I’ve learned lots and lots about myself in the first year of marriage, and I’ve learned even more about the Husband. And I even learned some things about this whole ‘being married’ thing in itself.
So I thought I’d just share some nuggets o’ wisdom that took me a year (or so) of marriage to figure out: (Don’t judge me, some of us are slow learners!)
// Ask and you shall receive. In the beginning, I really thought it was the Husband’s job to know what I wanted and how I wanted it done… like, his second career should have probably been ‘mind-reading’ according to the way I was thinking about it. Well, I’ve learned that the Husband is not actually a mind reader (although that would be nice), but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to help me out/serve me/etc. I think that sometimes I can serve the Husband best by letting him know exactly what I need from him, so he can make me happy without needing to guess what I want. Of course, this goes the other way too… if the Husband asks for something specifically, I rarely say no, but sometimes I have no idea what he’s thinking! Communication, who knew it was so important?!
// Being married isn’t that hard (even though sometimes liking the other person is). Staying in a marriage is not hard (for me), which, when you pay attention to the media and society in general, seems like quite the revelation! Personally, I love coming home to our family each night and falling asleep next to the Husband and our Monster. I love doing (almost) everything with my best friend, and I love just existing in this marriage of ours. I mean, I was under the (pessimistic) impression that marriage is hard 100% of the time. But, I will say that it is hard to like another person all of the time (at least, for me it is). Sometimes, the Husband drives me absolutely bonkers. And, more often, I drive him crazy (and not in a love crazy type of way). But still, I’m surprised at how easy our marriage has been so far. Of course, we’re only one year in and I fully anticipate it’s going to get harder. But since we moved in together years before we made this whole thing official, the actual transition to married life has been smoother than I had anticipated. So maybe it’s just me, but I’ve learned that being married isn’t hard, but conflict resolution is and it’s something we have to be consistently working on in our marriage.
// It’s more fun to be happy. Conflict resolution is important because dangit, we want to be happy together! I would much rather be happy with the Husband than living together miserably. Now, when we fight, I get mad. And the Husband gets even angrier (which I find hilarious, but that’s an entirely different story). BUT, even though we fight often, we also forgive quickly. And sometimes I don’t want to apologize or forgive, but I do it for selfish reasons, I do it because I want to be happy, and I cannot be happy when I’m fighting with my spouse. Sure, drama has its place in casual dating relationships (and I had my fair share of it) but in marriage, it’s way more fun to be happy.
// Doing chores goes a long way (as do flowers). I’ve learned that the Husband and I both appreciate having dinner made, dishes washed, the bed made, laundry put away, etc. Even after three years of living together and one year of marriage, it’s still the little things that make my life a bit less stressful. And, the Husband definitely appreciates when I get some ‘chores’ done around the house while he’s at work. But, to get around housework, flowers. The Husband just can’t go wrong if he buys me flowers (they always put a smile on my face!)
// Even after a year, your spouse can still surprise you. As I wrote earlier this week, I was blown away by our one year anniversary and all the thought that the Husband put into planning a nice weekend for us. I didn’t realize I married a romantic guy (but I’m sure glad he has it in him)! And I’m always surprised at how truly kind the Husband is to loved ones and strangers. I mean, it’s not all good. I’m also surprised that even after I ask him 967349 times a week, he leaves his socks all over the house and crumpled up napkins everywhere, but to each their own, I guess. I guess surprises keep life interesting… right?!
Rest assured that if I were to list everything I’ve learned in the last year, the list would go on forever, but all good things have to come to an end, and I’m cutting this list off at 5 so I don’t ramble.
But let me know, what things have you learned in your long term relationship / marriage?!
Cheers!
