*Update: the following post is from my first pregnancy, but you can check out the first trimester thoughts from my third pregnancy (yikes!) here!*

This pregnancy thing feels more real and real every day.

On Friday morning we heard Baby B’s heartbeat for the first time (before then we had only seen him/her on ultrasounds).

On Friday afternoon we bought paint for Baby B’s new room (a light, neutral green) in our new apartment.

Yep. It’s getting real. 

And since I’ve stayed in a healthy state of denial / disbelief for the past few months or so, I haven’t done much reflecting on the actual pregnancy itself (on this blog). But I do want to document some things before I completely forget certain parts of this experience (other than the physical symptoms, which I’ve already shared).

Actually, I have my own ‘Belly Book ‘ to document week-by-week what I’m feeling, but I want to share my first trimester thoughts with you all because I personally thought those first 12 (or 14) weeks of pregnancy were mentally rough! Mainly it’s because pregnant women aren’t ‘supposed’ to tell anyone they’re pregnant and so people aren’t able to dispense valuable advice when newly impregnated women need it the most!

So I’ll just tell you some thoughts I had during the first trimester, which I recorded over those first few months, and I hope this helps someone feel more ‘normal’, at the very least.

Without further ado (because I’m already 5 weeks behind on this and am well into my second trimester at this point, whoops!), I give you…

_{Baby B. at 12 weeks!}

• I didn’t want to tell anyone I was pregnant. Like, ever. I don’t know why, I think it’s because I didn’t want people’s perceptions of me to change. And I didn’t want to feel pressure to ‘act’ pregnant. On the other hand, I absolutely love discussing pregnancy itself (not so much babies at this point, but the actual pregnancy) with women who have already gone through it, so it’s as big perk when people actually know the Husband and I are expecting. Because of my general wariness of telling people about our growing family, we didn’t tell our families/best friends until we were 11 weeks along.

• Along with that thought, I love talking about pregnancy. Probably too much. I love being pregnant, I love knowing how big Baby B is each week, I love feeling my non-existent bump, I just love everything about it. Except the nausea. I could do without the nausea.

• Even though nausea sucks, I find comfort in feeling it, because at least it’s a symptom of pregnancy! When I don’t feel nauseous in the morning, I somehow manage to convince myself I’m not actually pregnant and have almost cried multiple times because of this. Thankfully, the Husband calms me right down and feels my ‘bump’ and tells me he’s sure Baby B is in there and doing well because he can just TELL. Pregnancy paranoia is a strange, strange thing, and I don’t feel like it’s talked about enough compared to the levels I’ve been experiencing!

• I have belly envy. Everyone tells me that in about 15 more weeks I’m going to be wishing I didn’t have the belly, but right now I just want it to grow so I feel like a ‘legit’ pregnant person. Sometimes I feel like quite the imposter.

• I don’t have any food aversions. I also don’t have any cravings. Actually, I don’t really want to eat at all and sometimes I just forget altogether.

• When I do eat, I’ve decided not to put pregnancy restrictions on myself (which has been totally approved by my doctor, of course). I eat a bit of sushi from time to time, I had a few sips of champagne on New Years Eve, I eat all cheese without worrying about it, etc. Basically, I live my normal life (except for alcohol) and I don’t stress myself out about ‘good’ and ‘bad’ pregnancy foods. This has kept me (relatively) sane and relaxed.

• I’ve Googled things that I never thought I would Google. Including but not limited to “can i squish my baby when putting on socks”.

• Speaking of the internet, I’ve also spent far too much time on baby message boards, which really terrify me. There are so many awful stories on there and crazy women and a lot of chaos. It’s a train wreck I can’t stop watching.

• I can truly say that the last few months have been the happiest of my life. Without a doubt. I absolutely love being pregnant. My general life stress has almost completely gone away – which I can’t explain – but I guess I just don’t care as much about most (insignificant) things in life because I’m having a baby. The only things that stress me out right now are the thought of something happening to this little life form in my abdomen. Basically, I just know that having a baby is going to be a pretty freakin’ big deal and I have no idea what it’s really going to entail, but life will change, so I’m not focusing on the future. I’m simply existing in the present and enjoying each day. So, so cheesy, but it’s true.

• And it also helps that I’ve never loved the Husband more. To say he is ‘helpful’ is such an understatement. He basically has taken on every single task there is to do and almost never mentions it. Since he works from home, some things make sense for him to do (in terms of housework) but he has also gone out of his way to make sure I’m feeling okay and comfortable. Nothing says love like getting out of bed to get me hot water with lemon and honey so I don’t have to stand up before I get something in my stomach.

• I really want a boy and a girl, and that’s why I don’t want to find out the gender of this little nugget. I want to be able to picture having one or the other for as long as possible. I really don’t have a preference, though. Neither does the Husband (although he’s so convinced it’s a boy I’m fairly certain he’ll be a bit surprised/sad if it’s a girl).

• I don’t even understand when the first trimester actually is/ends. First 12 weeks? 14 weeks? 13 weeks? I’ve seen sites and books that say each of those. For my own mental sake, I like to say twelve weeks, because I want to be out of the high-risk phase of pregnancy as soon as possible! Can’t we all just agree on a pregnancy timeline, people?! (If you look at message boards for this info, you will find a lot of heated discussions! But don’t look at pregnancy boards.) I finally asked my nurse-midwife when the first trimester actually ends, and she looked at me with a bit of a puzzled expression and said she had always heard 12 weeks. Clearly she doesn’t waste spend her time researching the internet for random facts like this. Thank goodness.

Well, that’s all I recorded during those first few months! Now I’m going to start recording my thoughts of the second trimester so by the time this baby is delivered I can share those with you… kidding, kidding. I’ll be more timely with the next one, promise!

*Update: check out the first trimester thoughts from my third pregnancy (yikes!) here!*

Cheers!

( Bloglovin’ | Twitter | Pinterest | Instagram | Facebook )