One of the ‘hot topics’ (I don’t know if it’s really ‘hot, but it’s at least a topic everyone seems to have a different opinion about) in the pregnancy world is when a woman/couple should announce her/their pregnancy. I think many people in our parent’s generation seem to think that telling anyone you’re expecting before 12 weeks is just crazy and unheard of. On the other side of the coin, some people tell Facebook the day they pee on a stick. And there are no right answers to this or right ways to go about telling or not telling people about the state of your uterus.

I repeat, there are no right answers!

I firmly believe that this answer could be totally different for each woman out there, and for each man, really.

But, I know that this topic may be affecting some women right now, who are deciding when they might share their ‘big news’ so I’m going to tell you a few reasons that the Husband and I waited as long as we did to tell (most) people we are pregnant, and why I think that was the right decision for us.

But first, a quick timeline:

• We found out we were pregnant at 3w5d. (And you best believe the first thing I did was get my butt to the store to get those  prenatal vitamins!)
• We flew to Buenos Aires to visit with friends the day after we saw the positive pregnancy test(s).
• We told the good friends we were staying with that we were pregnant at 4w0d, because there are only so many excuses I could have made for not drinking wine at dinner every single night! (And these friends KNOW I love my wine.)
• I told my best friend (who already has a kid) that I was pregnant days before my first ultrasound, because I was a nervous wreck and needed reassurance.
• We got an ultrasound at right around 8 weeks and saw the heartbeat. We told my mom that day.
• We had another ultrasound at 11 weeks… everything looked great!
• We had another ultrasound at 12 weeks for genetic testing, and the results were super reassuring.
• We waited until the week before Christmas to tell my dad, brothers, and the Husband’s family. At that point we were at 12 or 13 weeks.
• We told our friends and extended family around Christmas and New Years. (14 weeks).
• At 15 weeks I shared the news on my blog. (I let Twitter and Instagram figure it out on their own – no official announcement there!)
• And any sort of Facebook announcement to acquaintances is still pending or may never happen. 

_{We told our extended family / friends by sending them an oh-so-simple (‘Merry Christmas’ Flipogram which ended with this picture.}

As you can see, we told a very few people that we were pregnant before 12 weeks, but the majority of people did not find out until we were into our second trimester.

Why did we wait?

• I was terrified of miscarriage. Yes, I knew that I might tell some family and friends if we miscarried early, but it wasn’t news I’d share with as many people as I would have told I was pregnant. If that makes sense. To be honest, I’m not even sure who I would have told in this worst-case-scenario, and I didn’t want to be forced to tell people such personal and unhappy news.

• I love secrets. I’m pretty much an open-book, but there are some secrets I love keeping, especially if only the Husband and I know about it. He happens to be the worst secret keeper EVER, so it was way harder for him not to tell the entire world than it was for me! 

• I didn’t want to have a Jessica Simpson length pregnancy (aka, I didn’t want it to feel SUPER long). Yes, to me this pregnancy is flying by. Absolutely. I cannot believe that we’re already almost halfway done! I mean, seriously?! Human life is created quickly! But, at the same time, I think that some people seem pregnant forever and family and friends can only be so excited about pregnancy before they’re ready to think BABY. (This could be limited to my own experience, though.) And it’s hard to think baby during the first trimester when there’s no baby bump, no kicking, and really not a whole lot going on except the woman feeling perpetually sick. I’m not saying these aren’t still exciting times, but for me, I wanted to tell people and then be able to show them a bump and then plan a baby shower and do all of that stuff kind of immediately without dwelling (too much) on the gross pregnancy stuff of the first trimester.

_{Jessica Simpson with my future BFF, Ellen. NBD.}

_(source)

• I didn’t want people to perceive me/us differently. I know that sounds lame, but I wanted to hold on to my ‘old’ identity for as long as possible! I wasn’t quite ready to give up the whole ‘free and independent’ thing that the Husband and I had going on. As soon as i tell people I’m pregnant, I know they view me differently – it’s human nature! – and I just wasn’t ready for that early on in the pregnancy process. 

• I wanted to talk about things other than pregnancy. Like I said before, there is nothing that fun/interesting to talk about in the first trimester! The Husband and I didn’t even talk that much about our pregnancy other than scheming ways to get me to feel less nauseous and of course making some life plans. But I enjoyed being able to carry on normal conversations with friends and families without being overwhelmed by all things pregnancy/baby… 7-8 months early. Which leads me to my next point…

• It gave the Husband and I time to process the pregnancy. I didn’t realize how long it would take me to truly process the fact that I was pregnant. I’m sure everyone is different with this, but I didn’t really, truly feel pregnant until my belly started growing and Baby B started kicking (both of which didn’t happen until around 20 weeks). Of course, immediately after we saw the ‘pregnant’ sign on the pregnancy test, the Husband and I started planning. We found a new place to live, I changed my job search (no more full-time job, temp jobs only!) and we briefly discussed living on one income and what that would look like for a long-term budget. And I’m glad we had time to process all of this and get our lives in order before we had friends and family asking these exact questions! The most common questions I get asked: How are you feeling? Are you going to work after the baby? Are you moving or staying in your current place? … and then all sorts of questions about the actual baby and cloth diapering and what we need and that sort of thing. I’m really, really glad my answers weren’t the clueless ‘I don’t know‘ that I would have responded the first few weeks of pregnancy.

• I wasn’t obviously pregnant. I didn’t gain weight or bloat in the first trimester, I wasn’t sick enough where it affected my job / social plans, I didn’t drastically change what I was willing to do and/or eat, etc, and I didn’t have any complications. Basically, i didn’t act pregnant enough to arouse suspicions and get people talking about the state of my uterus. It also helped that my job is very flexible (as is the Husband’s) and I could show up a bit late without getting in trouble. And maternity leave isn’t happening (I work at a temp job and will be ending it once the baby is born) so no one needed notice that far in advance. Basically, the world didn’t need to know I was pregnant and it wouldn’t have figured it out on its own, so I didn’t tell it!

_{We told our family and friends around the holidays. I still wasn’t showing at all.}

That all being said, I was thrilled when we decided to tell people about our pregnancy. I was so relieved that we didn’t have any more secrets and that we didn’t have to make excuses and that we could be open with loved ones and share our good news. And I can definitely see (in retrospect) how it would have been amazing to have at least a few friends know in the first trimester so that I could complain to someone other than the Husband about everything awful I was feeling.

If I could do it again, I may have shared the news immediately with close girlfriends who were already pregnant or already had been pregnant – for the support I know they would have loved to have given me sooner, but I still would have waited until the second trimester to tell everyone else – even our families.

Before I sign off on this one, I want to reiterate that I don’t think there’s a ‘right’ or a ‘wrong’ time for a woman (and her husband) to share the great news! I think every person is different and what’s right for us certainly may not be right for another family.

I know everyone has an opinion about this, so tell me, did you tell your family/friends about your pregnancy right away? Or do you already have an opinion about when you WILL tell them when you become pregnant?!

Cheers!