Remember when I used to post consistently because I was all responsible and shit stuff?
Me too. I guess it wasn’t that long ago, really.
I can’t promise it will get better at this point, since my life is kind of chaotic because Bumpy absolutely refuses to drop into my pelvis and out of my uterus/vag.
Not that I’m pointing fingers.
I mean, you would think 41 weeks would be enough time, right?! Evidently not.
This is truly my procrastinator child.
Anyway, this post is not about that.
Nor is this post about pregnancy.
Because I’m on here to avoid thoughts of this baby and the sit-in (s)he’s organized in my uterus.
I don’t know what Bumpy could possibly be protesting, but protesting (s)he is.
Sorry, let’s get back on track.
What this post is actually about is my last name.
I think I may have vaguely referred to the fact that I changed my last name a few months ago, but I know I’ve never really explained it.
Let’s start back at the beginning, shall we? When Tim and I got engaged, we (of course) discussed all the basic details of what our married life together would be like. As a part of this discussion, we talked about me changing my last name. Well, I’ve always known that I wasn’t going to be changing my last name to my husband’s, but I guess Tim never really thought about the fact that I wouldn’t be changing it.
Surprisingly, he was fine with the decision.
The thing we couldn’t agree on was what our (future) kids’ last names would be. If I had one last name and Tim had another last name, which name would our future Bumpy(s) inherit?
This became an especially relevant question when I got knocked up pregnant. The thing is, neither Tim nor I wanted to be the ‘odd man out’ in a family that all shared the same last name. I suggested that we give any girls my name and any boys his name, but that seemed a bit complicated, even to me. We also knew we didn’t want to hyphenate names.
So, the solution we were left with was to combine last names to create a new, unique name that the kids would also inherit. We took the first part of Tim’s last name and the last part of my last name and ta-da, a new name was born for both of us.
In order to change our last names we had to publish the name change in a law journal, go to court and appear in front of a judge to get an official ruling, get new social security cards and drivers’ licenses and all of that ‘normal’ stuff, but in the end, even though it was time-consuming and expensive, it was very worth it.
After a year and a half of marriage, I finally became a Mrs! (Fun fact: married women who do not share their husband’s last names are a ‘Ms’)
Confession: This picture was taken a few weeks ago. Bumpy is a bit bumpier now.
The (obvious) question: What do our parents think?
Answer: My parents were not surprised at all (because I’ve always been a bit independent/difficult and they probably assumed I’d be changing my name once I got married anyway) but Tim’s parents (and other family members) were less than pleased.
Of course, the whole thing has been more difficult on Tim in general because I can easily tell everyone by explaining that I finally got around to taking a married name, but when Tim explains that he took a married name, it requires a bit more of an explanation.
I wish it didn’t, but a man changing his name after marriage is still a rare occurrence in our society!
Tim is still a ‘Mr’, obvi.
I think that when people ask questions, it’s an awesome opportunity to explain that we’re our own family unit so we picked our own family name. I think it makes people think about whether it always makes sense for a woman to change her name – because in some cases it may make more sense for a man to change his name instead, or for both parties to change their names.
Not that I think that every couple should do what Tim and I did. I mean, it’s something we’re excited about, but I know it’s not for everyone. What I do believe, though, is that women should not necessarily be expected to take her husband’s last name without at least having an honest conversation about it first. If a woman wants to change her name – great! If not – that should also be great! If a man wants to change his name – perfect, but if not – that should also be acceptable.
I’m a fan of questioning whether a certain ‘tradition’ makes sense before making a major decision, such as a name change.
Do people say critical (unsolicited) things about our decision? Of course. What we did is not the norm and people tend to criticize what they may not understand. But I’m really happy with our decision and I cannot wait to tell our children that they have a completely unique name, that was built from both mommy and daddy’s ‘old’ names and the uniting of our two families and identities.
Now because it’s Friday and Fridays are for celebrating and maybe getting some free stuff…
Do you want a pair of Mr. and Mrs. mugs?!
Of course you do. I mean, even if you aren’t married or aren’t a Mrs. or whatever your situation may be, you probably know a married couple who would love these! We love ours!
Tell me, did/would you change your name because of marriage? Do you have any questions about our name change that I really didn’t answer very well?
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