I was worried about a lot of things during my pregnancy, but one of the things that I was most worried about was how my weight gain and body changes would affect me emotionally.
I have always been a small tiny person. I’m 5’2.5″ (the .5 inch is very important) on a good day, and my weight before pregnancy was 104 lbs. The heaviest I had ever been was 117 lbs, when I was consulting and eating out way too frequently. I’ve never been one of those women who spends a lot of time on the scale, but I’ve always been able to tell when I’m gaining weight because my clothes fit a bit differently.
I didn’t even take bump pics before 17 weeks, because I didn’t see any difference! Now I can’t believe I thought I had a bump at 17 weeks, now I don’t see it at all!
It’s only fair to mention that I’m not someone who can sit around (not exercising) while binge eating ice cream and not gain a pound. Exercise has always been a large part of my life and how I spend my ‘free’ time. Before pregnancy I was staying active by going to CrossFit 2-3 times per week. Believe it or not, those workouts 2-3 times per week were enough to keep me in great shape!
So, one of the reasons I was hesitant to get pregnant was because I didn’t want to give up exercising and my abs and my body in general. Selfishly, I wanted to look fit and I just knew that pregnancy was going to steal that away from me – and I wasn’t convinced I would be able to get my pre-baby body back after I popped out a baby.
During the fifth month, I still took bump pics while inhaling and sticking out my bump as far as it would go.
Thankfully, becoming a mom won out over my vanity, and we got pregnant in October 2013.
Pregnancy brought with it a lot of physical changes, but my body didn’t really seem to change much until the 30th week or so. I mean, I thought my bump showed up at week 17 (and I was so proud of it!), but no one commented on my baby bump for several more months.
Surprisingly, I didn’t ever resent my baby bump, on the contrary, I was so proud of it! I couldn’t wait for it to grow and grow so that strangers would comment on the baby growing within me. I was excited to grow out of my jeans and to throw on some maternity clothes – even though I wasn’t thrilled about shelling out the money to buy new outfits. Also, I was proud to still be working out well into my third trimester. I went to yoga until Bumpy made an appearance, and I did Pure Barre until I was 34 weeks along, when the limitations outweighed the benefits/price of the classes.
During these few weeks I really started to look pregnant. I even started wearing maternity tank tops to take my bump pics!
Yes, I got annoyed when my size made certain things almost impossible. At the end of my pregnancy, even walking around the block was horribly uncomfortable. Sex? Well, I talked about that yesterday. Sitting at work? It was so distracting because of the constant pain in my ribs that I could barely focus and ended up needing to work from home for the last few weeks.
I now understand why pregnant women are so focused on pregnancy… it’s impossible to think about anything else when activities are so restricted because of a big belly! I was uncomfortable 100% of the time (even while sleeping) but I never resented this little person growing inside of me.
When I delivered Bumpy Miss Clara, I weighed 134 lbs, which meant pregnancy added 30 lbs to my small frame. My midwives were happy with my weight gain, and so was I. Although, I must admit, when I saw the number on the scale go above 130 lbs, I started getting a bit panicky that I would never be able to lose the weight. Also, early on in pregnancy my abs split down the center, so I became worried about how my body would recover from that.
Vain thoughts, I know, but they were real, even though they definitely not all-consuming, thank goodness.
My favorite picture is when I was 40 weeks pregnant. I think my bump looked gorgeous and I was so proud of it. I was carrying around a full-sized person in there!
Now, 11 days post-delivery, even though I have limited mobility because of the c-section, I am down to 111 lbs. Thank goodness for a big baby (I lost 8 lbs and 6 oz as soon as Clara popped out!) and breastfeeding! I only have 7 lbs left to lose before I’m at my 104 lbs pre-pregnancy weight! Of course, I lost some muscle mass and my belly is a bit ‘bumpier’ than I would like, but I’m happy that I’m starting to look like my ‘old self’ again.
I have some work to do, but as soon as I rest for a few more weeks and my doctors give me the ‘ok’, I’m getting back on the exercise train!
All this is to say I’m so glad I didn’t allow myself to be over-whelmed with shallow and negative thoughts, and instead allowed myself to live in the moment with the pregnancy and appreciate what my body was doing.
My body created, grew, and nourished a perfectly healthy human life, and that’s a big freakin’ deal. As I type this, I’m leaking breastmilk because I have an abundant supply with which I can feed my child.
Every day I continue to be amazed with what this body of mine did and continues to do. (Plus, I still don’t understand how Clara Jane even fit in my belly. Yes, I was huge, but she seems even more huge.)
In the future, I hope I’m able to continue to accept and even appreciate physical changes to my body. I know that aging will create changes. The c-section created changes that I’ll probably be recovering from for quite a while. Subsequent pregnancies (if we’re blessed with more children, some day) will undoubtedly bring new and different changes and challenges.
* Linking up with Juliette and Amber today!
Cheers!
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