What is the perfect age gap between two kids?

I wouldn’t know. All I know is that the answer is certainly not 21.5 months.

I mean, sure, people with older kids with this age gap might say less than two years is the perfect timing between kids, but those people have parent-amnesia that has thankfully allowed them to forget what it’s like to have a newborn and a young toddler at the same time.

Or they have way better kids than I do.

This is what a 21.5 month age gap looks like:

+ Breastfeeding while helping a toddler use the potty

+ Breastfeeding while convincing that toddler to put her pants back on

+ Bouncing a screaming newborn while attempting to read a story to a toddler and then putting her in the crib for naptime. (Let’s just say the sleep routine has been shortened.)

+ Not eating, ever. This is because either my toddler is eating my meal/snack or because I’m too busy bouncing and nursing a newborn. Or because I’m trapped on the couch underneath a sleeping baby. Or all of the above.

+ Finally getting the newborn to sleep, only to have the toddler scream in her crib for a long time, because she has decided now is a good time for a sleep regression. And because she has to go potty. And because her doll has to go potty. And because she has lost her doll’s pacifier. Or because she has climbed out of the crib and can’t get back in. Or because… you get the idea.

+ Babywearing – a lot. (Which is so wonderful, but also so freakin’ tiring.)

+ Tired nipples, a tired back, tired arms, tired brain… Everything is tired.

+ Telling a toddler to stop putting all of the baby’s pacifiers in her mouth. Over and over again.

+ No naps. Ever. (For you, at least.)

+ Watching the toddler climb out of her crib (via video monitor) and wondering how long you can wait to deal with that situation because the newborn is asleep on your chest and you know she won’t stay asleep if you put her down.

+ Explaining to a toddler, over and over again, why she can’t hold her baby sister right.this.second.

+ Explaining to a very sweet toddler why she cannot hit her sister. And cannot scratch her sister. AND DEAR GOD WHY ARE YOU KICKING YOUR SISTER?! Over and over again.

+ Breastmilk everywhere. Peanut butter (or messy toddler food of choice) everywhere. Everything is everywhere.

+ No breaks (at least on some days, when it seems the toddler and newborn have plotted against you to stagger their naptimes so one of them is always awake).

… And this all happened in the first few hours of my day yesterday.

We had such a rough day that Tim walked in the door, took one look at me, and asked me if I needed a drink. (Yes. I was actually waiting for him to get home so that I wasn’t technically drinking alone and also fulfilling every typical housewife stereotype.)

I’ve heard the days will get better/easier as time goes on. My mom friends who have kids with short age gaps have told me after 3 month it gets so much better.

I’m hoping they’re right.

If any of you have words of wisdom on surviving with two kids under two, I’d love to hear it!