A Sunday afternoon post?! I clearly do not have a set blog schedule. That’s what’s so great about blogging, it’s the one area in life where I can set my own deadlines – booyah!
Anyway, we heard a particularly great sermon at church today, and I wanted to share my thoughts on it while it’s still fresh in my mind.
The other week I wrote a post about friendships and letting go. Sometimes this little blog takes on the tone of a journal and I think it’s a bit of a struggle to have a public blog that is authentic and honest while also not hurting loved ones who may read it. So, while I hope to write mostly positive posts in this little internet space of mine, I also like to write about struggles and life and things that are harder, because when I read others’ blogs I enjoy hearing about the tough stuff – things I can sometimes relate to as much as I can relate to a love of all things Kate Spade.
Well, today we heard an absolutely wonderful sermon at church, and it gave me an even greater appreciation for what being a friend looks like, and what my best friends are to me. We are studying Hebrews and this particular sermon dealt with Hebrews 3:7-15. These verses talk about hardening our hearts towards sin – and I must say, I felt especially convicted by the message today.
The part of the sermon that really spoke to me was when our pastor discussed our role in relationships with others – as a community – and the responsibility we each have to encourage each other to acknowledge our sins in a loving way.
And that’s the difficult part, isn’t it?
How can we judge one another, while still showing love instead of criticism? I know I’ve had experiences (and plenty of them!) with friends that left me feeling judged and exhausted and not at all loved and supported. And, I always thought we weren’t supposed to judge in the first place! Don’t we learn in Matthew 7:3-4 that we shouldn’t concern ourselves with the sins of others when we, too, sin? (“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?'”) However, our pastor reminded us that these verses, and the one following them, instructs us to live a life that gives us credibility so we can speak to others about sin in a way that is not hypocritical. It does not, however, tell us that we should not help others see their sin simply because we are all sinners.
That message really had an impact on me!
And, it reminded me of why I love my friends. Because my best friends do a great job of loving me without hurtful judgement. When I tell them about things in my life that I’m not proud of, they are understanding, compassionate, supportive, and then they give sound advice that I know in my heart is the right thing to do. And when I don’t take their advice (because sometimes I’m stubborn and think I know better or that my situation somehow justifies poor decision making) those same friends are still supportive, and still offer the exact same advice without making me feel like a failure.
And those are the types of friendships that are the most valuable to me, and the type of friend I hope to be to other people.
It’s hard to give advice in such a way that people will 1.) respect and 2.) follow. And it’s hard to stand by friends and love them when they continue to live life in a way that I know won’t lead them to the happiness they deserve. And I’m not even talking about sin here, but normal life things like dating someone who isn’t worthwhile, staying in a job that isn’t fulfilling, spending money unwisely, or continuing to put energy into friendships that aren’t gratifying.
Sometimes the people we love (myself, included!) get defensive or don’t want to talk about the ‘hard stuff’ because they know that what they’re doing is wrong and don’t want to hear someone else say what they know is true, in their heart. But, when I’m acting like that, that is when I need my friends to love me the most. And I hope that I’m able to display this patience and love for the people who mean the very most to me.
My best friends are not perfect people – not even close. But, I respect their opinions because I know their values and I know that they have sound judgement about what is right. Plus, I know they love me and would never want me to do anything that would hurt me and the life they know I want to live. We have mutual trust, respect, love and friendship, and that is why I seek their advice (and sometimes even consider following it!)
It’s easy to harden our hearts towards God and to sin and towards right decisions, in general. It’s easy to get defensive and to feel impatient and to feel judged when others are only trying to help. And it’s easy to give up on others when they don’t listen to our advice, or to shy away from giving advice because we’re afraid of hurting others or making them feel worse.
But, I think living in community is important, and helping others is important, and it’s too easy to think that someone else’s life is ‘not our problem’ or using ‘I don’t want to judge others’ as a reason to not get involved when we should.
I’m not suggesting that we should tell others how to live their lives. And, I don’t think it’s our place to tell everyone we know how they should be living. Instead, I’m suggesting that when loved ones (who trust us) ask for our advice, or through their actions are crying for help, we should take the time to really love on them. And, many times, I think this love should involve giving sound (and Biblical) advice, even if we don’t think the person will take it and even if it’s the hard thing to say. And we should do this because we love these people, and want them to live the very best life they can.
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Two of my very-favorite people and also some of my favorite advice-givers!
Because being a friend can be hard and living in community is hard — but it’s important. No one is perfect, but we don’t need to be perfect to give advice and to be a good friend. The world can easily cause our hearts to become calloused, but God calls us to speak the truth to each other in love, and this is a challenge I very much want to accept.
I hope you’re having a very blessed Sunday!
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