One of the unanticipated side effects of motherhood has been newly found confidence.
Not that I wasn’t confident before, but motherhood has grown my confidence exponentially. I think it’s because I’m finally an expert in something. I mean, I may not be an expert in general parenting, but I am an expert of Clara. Conversely, it might also be because I know how much I don’t know and am aware that other moms also don’t necessarily know what they’re doing, which makes me feel like it’s okay to not have all the answers in life. I think it’s a little bit of both.
I can’t exactly put my finger on when or why this confidence-shift has happened, but I think there is just something about creating life and nurturing life, and then preparing for a new family member and and transition, and then birthing a baby and then raising a newborn/infant that makes everything else seem much less daunting. Adult situations just don’t have the intimidation factor that a baby crying for apparently no reason has. If I can soothe a screaming baby who doesn’t even know why she’s upset (or maybe she does, but she isn’t able to communicate it to me, yet!) I can calm myself down and face challenging situations of the much-less-stressful variety.
Not that my challenging situations (lately) are even necessarily that challenging, but I’ve been able to walk into groups of people with more confidence, navigate around the city & attempt to parallel park without (much) anxiety, ask questions, take new fitness classes, volunteer, meet new people, and basically go about my normal day happier and with a reaffirmed belief that no one (including me) knows what the heck they’re doing all of the time, and we’re all in this life thing together.
It’s amazing how much Clara has already taught me about myself.