I’ve been hit with a profound feeling of uncertainty over the past few
I’ve been a stay at home mom for about 9 months now and I’m still not sure whether it’s going to remain a permanent full-time position or not. You see, my ‘boss’ is kind of a handful and can be very demanding, and I may need a little bit of a break! And of course by ‘break’ I mean that I may choose to get a job outside of the home to regain some of my sanity!
Unfortunately, I’m not sure what this job would look like.
This is just one of the many questions and uncertain thoughts that has been swirling around in my brain lately.
Other uncertainties include:
- Where are we going to live in a few years?
- Will I go back to work?
- What will I do if I go back to work?
- When will we try to have another baby?
- How should I be spending my time?
- Are there relationships I should be spending more effort to nurture and grow?
Etc. Etc. Etc. None of these issues are very pressing at the moment, but I’m feeling unsettled by the uncertainty in life right now. It’s like my life is so stable, but at the same time I don’t feel like I’m necessarily moving forward. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe God wants me to be completely present right where I’m at, right at this moment.
But here’s the thing. I think the reason for my uncertainty and discomfort is because I haven’t spent enough time asking God what HE wants me to do. I’ve asked myself what I want to do (of course) and I can’t come to an answer.
I’ve asked Tim what he wants to do and he has even less answers and opinions than I do.
I’ve halfheartedly researched options and job postings online, but without any clear direction, this has been rather fruitless.
So I’m praying that I remember to keep God at the center of all things in my life, not just the big things. I’m realizing that I tend to turn to Him in moments of frustration and sadness and desperateness – but I don’t necessarily ask God for guidance for ‘routine’ questions. I want to change that. I will be the first to praise God that life is good right now! I have a healthy baby and husband and a roof over our heads and I have the luxury of choosing whether I would like to work or not. I am blessed beyond measure and I never forget to thank God for what He has given me in this life. However, I have neglected to ask him for guidance since things are going well, and this needs to change.
I want to make sure I’m following His will instead of my own. I think that once I truly start seeking for answers from Him instead of myself, I’ll feel a sense of calm and peace about what actions to take, or not to take.
What are you praying about/for this week?