Not that I’m counting or anything (wait, yes I am), but the Husband and I have been married for 200 days! Whew. (Yes, I do keep track of this for the sole purpose of this blog. My real-life friends would think I was nuts if I announced this sort of ‘milestone’!)
Time seriously flies.
This may shock you, but after a little under 7 months, we’re definitely not experts in marriage. Nope, not at all, not even a little bit. And for this reason, I’m glad they don’t hand out marriage report cards twice a year! But, even though no one is grading us, I’m taking this mini-milestone as a chance to reflect on our marriage and think about the things the Husband and I are doing well and the things we need to continue to work on.
So far so good:
// We communicate well and often. For the most part, of course. I don’t think there has ever been a time where I’ve found myself thinking, ‘ I wonder what the Husband thinks about this!’
// We prioritize church. We go (or listen to the sermon) every Sunday and we have since almost the beginning of our relationship. I go to a women’s small group, he goes to a guy’s group, and we both go to a couples’ group. Yes, it’s time consuming and sometimes exhausting, but it’s so very worth it. We’ve made friends, learned things about ourselves and each other, and feel supported by our community in this phase in life.
// We (almost) never say ‘no’ to each other. ‘Oh, you want to go to Africa? OK.’ ‘You’re going to happy hour tonight? Sounds good.’ ‘You want to buy 18 new pairs of shoes? Whatever makes you happy.’ Now, there is a big exception to this, and that’s time spent on work. I absolutely go bananas when the Husband gives up our time in order to work over the weekend or for super long hours during the week. But aside from that, we generally say ‘yes’ as often as we can.
// We hang out a lot with friends, both separately and together.
// We keep things fun. We love our impromptu dance parties, frequent vacations, and general silly moments – so we make sure they happen as often as possible. We (generally) find the money, make the time, and get silly as often as possible.
// We forgive each other. We don’t stay mad at each other for very long, even though we definitely have our fair share (and then some!) of arguments. This is because 1.) love is a choice and we choose to love each other even in moments of anger and 2.) we have too much fun together to stay mad for too long. I always try to stay mad at the Husband and then I realize I have something I need to tell him and my anger immediately dissolves. I hope it stays like that forever!
And of course, we’re still working on a bijillion and one quite a few things.
Things to (continue to) work on:
// Setting boundaries. The other week I looked at the calendar and realized that it had been over a week since the Husband and I had intentionally spent time together. Like ‘real’ time, not the few minutes we happened to be in the same room between separate activities. That is craziness! Of course, this means that we need to set better boundaries in life with friends, family, work, etc. and that shit is hard to do! If anyone is an expert in this, let me know your secrets!
// Not keeping score. We’re getting better at this, but we still ‘keep score’ in our marriage, especially when it comes to household tasks. As in ‘I did the dishes 3 times this week! How many times did you do them?’ This is a nasty habit that we’re consciously working on abolishing in our relationship.
// Focusing on our actual marriage. Not my happiness and well-being, not his happiness and well-being, but the health of the marriage, as a separate entity. It’s so easy to think that if I’m happy, the relationship must be going well, but this just isn’t the truth! We’re consistently and intentionally checking the health of our marriage so that we can address problems as they arise.
// Budgeting. We don’t have a budget, which is hugely embarrassing for me because in college I double-majored in Accounting and Finance. And now I’m a CPA! Yikes. But, I’m such a saver by nature that I’ve never had to worry about over-spending. This means that our approach (or lack of an approach) is working well for now, but we should really, really be better about intentionally spending our money.
// Serving others. Our honeymoon was in Africa, where we volunteered for a week before embarking on a week-long safari. We had an amazing time and I think we could (and should!) definitely try to find ways to keep serving on a more consistent basis.
// Synchronizing our routines. Oh boy, if there is one way in which we are not at all compatible, it is because of our ‘routines’, or lack thereof. For example: the Husband loves to go to bed early, wake up late, and take frequent naps. The man loves his sleep! I hate sleep. I love staying awake until after midnight and then waking up before 6am to work out. Granted, this schedule is exhausting and cannot be maintained, but that would be my ideal day. And naps? Ew. I can’t relax long enough to even consider taking one of those! This whole scheduling conflict is especially problematic on the weekends. If we sleep until noon, the Husband is the happiest man alive while I am absolutely pissed that we wasted a whole day. As a compromise, I try to wake up early and have a scheduled appointment (even if it’s a gym class) to go to, so that I can easily resist the temptation to sit in bed and poke the Husband until he (angrily) wakes up.
There you have it. Our little marriage scorecard… what we’re good at and what we’re working on every day!
Seriously, if you have any tips in the areas we’re struggling in, let me hear them! I like writing posts like this because I’m hoping some of you can relate to these issues and offer some advice (or at least share similar stories so I can read them while drinking some wine).
Oh, and if you’re one of those people who likes free stuff (trust me, you are one of those people, EVERYONE likes free stuff!) you’ll probably definitely want to enter this giveaway, hosted by the lovely Sarah and a few of her May sponsors. $215 to to towards tickets to see your favorite sports team, artist, etc. Ummmm…. what’s not to love about this?!
Cheers!
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