I’m not ashamed to tell you that when the Olympics are on I pretty much shut myself up in the apartment and cancel all social plans and do nothing but watch all events I can possibly watch. If I could have stayed home from work these past few weeks to do nothing but watch the Olympics, I would have. The Olympics only rank second to March Madness in ‘sporting events I must see as much of as possible’ and I’m sad that they’re almost over!
There was so much exciting drama this year before the games even began! I mean, Sochi was kind of a hot mess, let’s be honest. I’m not sure if people were just looking for problems or if really was that bad, but how could I not crack up when I saw this all over Twitter?:
…With no phone to call for help, I used my bobsled push training to break out. #SochiJailBreak pic.twitter.com/apZRefgvCO
— Johnny Quinn (@JohnnyQuinnUSA) February 8, 2014
And don’t get me started about Bob Costas. That poor man. I can’t think of a worse time to get pinkeye than in Russia, during the Olympics, that he was supposed to be hosting. It just sounds all around miserable. I thought of a way to make it all more bearable, but then he got pinkeye in both eyes and that was the end of that.
I really wish Bob Costas would wear an eye patch. And speak with a pirate accent. #Sochi2014
— Lisa (@Two_Martinis) February 9, 2014
Yep, I have been thoroughly enjoying these weeks of Olympic coverage. I’ve been endlessly entertained, that’s for certain.
And in honor of the soon-to-be close of these games, I thought I’d leave you with a bit of what I’ve been thinking about while watching these spectacular sporting events unfold (but not live of course, I’m a prime-time Olympic watching type of gal.)
* Warning, these thoughts are not necessarily coherent or complete. Welcome to the struggle that is my mind.
Alpine Skiing
Wow they’re fast. I wonder if I would be this fast if I lived in Colorado. Yep, I think the only thing that is holding me back from being an Alpine Olympic skier is the fact that I was raised in the Midwest. OHMYGOSH THAT WIPEOUT WAS HORRIBLE! I can’t believe she hit that fence. Oh geesh, this is a scary, scary sport to watch. I can’t believe the finishers are separated by a few hundredths of a second, seriously?! A TIE?! How can it all end in a tie? This sport is nuts.
Biathlon
Skiing and shooting? Maybe I could be an Olympian in shooting… it doesn’t look so hard. But this cross country skiing thing… yeah, it’s not for me. How do people get into this sport? Do they start with the shooting or the skiing growing up? Hitting four out of five targets isn’t so bad! Wait, that is bad? What happens when they miss a target? A penalty? How is this event scored? I really have no clue what’s going on but I like it anyways. GOOOO ATHLETES!
Bobsleigh
Ah, a Jamaican bobsled team. My life is complete. I could totally be the guy in back pushing… and then I could duck down and wouldn’t have to see all the scary parts of the course! Wait, do I have to be strong for that? I bet I would have to be. These guys are huge. I wonder if they’re super flexible to be comfortable in that position. OHMYGOSH you’re going to hit that wall! Seriously, though. The Jamaican bobsled team is my favorite. Look how happy they are even though they finished second-to-last! Did that announcer just say that the strongest and fastest men in the USA are in the NFL and the strongest and fastest men in Latvia are bobsledders? What? Are NFL players that fast? I guess they would have to be…
Cross Country Skiing
I can’t even make it from the chairlift to the top of the mountain during regular downhill skiing… and that’s like 20 feet. I don’t know how these people do it. Draft, draft, draft! (i think that’s what they’re doing…) someone new take the lead! I can’t believe they’re all so close together, this is like watching a marathon! I love it! YAY ENDURANCE! Ohhhh their poor legs. This pains me to watch. Go, go, go! Yep… they’re still going… oh gosh, this race is coming down to the very end! How is it so close after all of that distance?! I would never, ever want to be a cross country skier. This is worse than long distance running. Thanks but no thanks!
Curling
Hit it out, hit it out, hit it out! I have no idea what any equipment in this sport is called. I wonder how athletes train for this sport, I bet it’s really difficult. I would want to be the athlete that releases that big thing so I could avoid sweeping. I bet she’s good at physics and understands speed and angles and things like that. I should really learn the names of some of this equipment. GO GO GO hurry up, it’s never going to make it to the circle! Sigh. I need to brush up on my curling knowledge before the next Olympics, this is pathetic!
(source)
Figure Skating
I could watch this stuff for hours (so I will), even the ice dancing! But let’s be honest, ice dancing really isn’t as exciting (even though the USA is dominating!). Jumps are where the action’s at! Awww that American man is so friendly – and he’s from the suburbs of Chicago! How in the world is that 15 year old so flexible?! My leg is getting nowhere near my nose! I could watch her spin forever – so incredible! There is no way I’d let the Husband throw me in the air like that. No freakin’ way. Oh shoot, she fell! All of these jumps look the same… I wonder how long it takes the judges to actually score these routines, they seem really complicated! WHAT is that person wearing?! I can’t take an athlete seriously in that many sparkles.
Freestyle Skiing
Yep, I’m telling ya, if I had been raised out west I’d be all over this sport. Jumping on rails and doing the jumps and moguls and all of that stuff. Actually, I hate moguls. Wait, did they just say one of the guys is from Indiana? I’m going to have to think of a new excuse since I guess some winter athletes are from the Midwest. There has to be some reason i’m not an Olympian other than a complete lack of dedication and natural talent… WOW those jumps are high. HOW DO THEY LAND THESE TRICKS? I’m afraid I’m going to see someone die in this event. For sure. Thank goodness they’re all wearing helmets.
Ice Hockey
USA, USA, USA! Well, I already know the end to this game because of every single spoiler alert so I guess I can just fast forward to the very end… shootout! There is really no better way to end a game than a shootout. Too bad this isn’t the gold medal game – what a finish! I wonder how many of these players across all teams actually play in the NHL. This looks like so much fun. Who the heck is this Oshie character? I like him. Wait, the same guy can shoot every shot in the shootout? What the heck? Olympic rules are weird.
(source)
Luge
How do they see where they’re going?! Wait, doubles? What’s this all about?! At least they won’t hit the wall head first… I really just don’t see this ending well, they’re going way too fast. Where do people train for this event?! How does one even become interested in luging? Wait, is that a verb? This is the very last sport I would do… this is terrifying to even watch! SLOW DOWN!!!!!
Nordic Combined
Wait, what the heck is the combined? What are they combining? Did I already see this event? Whatever, I still love it! YAY SKIERS! I really can’t keep watching cross country skiing, it pains me to look at. These people are BEASTS! How are they so good at multiple events? I can’t even imagine doing one event at 1/1000 of this level. Sigh, my Olympic dreams may never be realized at this rate. Maybe I should buy cross country skis, this does seem to be an incredible workout.
Short Track Speed Skating
Look at the size of those thighs! These people are in great shape! This event is pretty boring. They really don’t even look like they’re going that fast. I mean, I know they’re going fast, but I swear these athletes aren’t even breaking a sweat. How do they make it look so easy? And their skates are super long! Aren’t they going to get dizzy? I wonder if they always train going in one direction around the track. I guess for running we did…
Skeleton
HEAD FIRST?! Are these people kidding me?! At least they can see where they’re going, I guess, but this looks awful. Aren’t they afraid of crashing their head straight into a wall?! Wait, a few hundredths of a second makes that big of difference? I can’t believe how precise these timers are! Awww her kids are so cute, go USA! (Just don’t get injured, please).
Ski Jumping
I could totally do this. I just have to go downhill really fast, launch myself off a ramp, and not move in the air and then land on another hill. No problem. Except I would never actually even get down the hill or to the ramp because I’d freak out and fall over and possibly die. How in the WORLD do these athletes train? Seriously?! When they’re kids is there like a super mini ramp and then they just work up to this craziness? GET PAST THE LINE! YOU CAN DO IT! I would hate to do this if it was snowing hard… I bet they can’t see the ground under them sometimes! Are those plants forming the line markers? I’m so confused.
(source)
Snowboard
I love everything about this. So many tricks and they all really look the same to me! Ohhhh racing?! That’s awesome! I like this racing thing. I’m definitely not cool enough to be a snowboarder. How are they so relaxed? I’m NEVER that relaxed. I’m not even this relaxed in a bubble bath, much less the Olympics. I love the name Sage. Wait, that girl is from Australia? Ignorant question… but how does one get into snowboarding being from Australia? Shaun White should have stayed in all his events… not getting a medal? Yuck. These girls are gorgeous. And that guy is kind of cute. Ummm he’s 19? I’m officially cougar status. Awesome.
Speed Skating
Wait, wasn’t America supposed to do well at this event? What’s going on? Uniform problem, what? I would hate to be the designers of the rejected uniform. Well, I guess changing the uniform didn’t help either. WIPEOUT! Ugh, that would be so stressful. Oh yay, teamwork! And Russia wins even though none of their athletes are actually Russian – say what?
And that concludes my thoughts from the Sochi Winter Olympics.
Watch out Bob Costas, I’m coming for your spot as host next year!
What is your favorite (winter) Olympic sport?!
Cheers!
