Did you know it’s world doula week?! Well, now you know. I guess it’s only fitting that we’re meeting with our doula today to go over our birth plan and all other things labor and delivery. I’m 36+ weeks into this pregnancy thing and ‘stuff’ is about to get real here, folks.*
* Even though we all know assume I won’t deliver until 41+ weeks because I (evidently) make huge, stubborn babies. Or at least I did once and I’m assuming I will again.
I digress.
We hired a doula for the birth of our first baby, and we’re hiring one again for the arrival of Baby Beni. ALthough a lot of my friends have also chosen to hire doulas, the questions Tim and I most often get are “what does a doula do?” and “why are you hiring a doula?”
These are the reasons we’ve decided to work with a doula (again):
1) The statistics.
Lower c-section rates, higher rates of VBACs, lower rates of pain-relief meds, etc. My goal was, and is, to have a vaginal delivery with as few medical interventions as possible. The statistics show that the best way for me to accomplish this is by working with a doula – and after working with one a few years ago – I understand why.
2) The assistance with a birth plan.
We went to an excellent labor and delivery class the first time around (if you’re in Chicago, check out Mother Me), and that class really helped us lay out a birth plan. Our doula was also wonderful because she worked with us to ensure our plan was specific enough and also personalized enough for what we truly wanted. She made sure we didn’t miss anything and also that she understood it and would be able to verbalize our wishes to any nursing staff that was working for us during labor and delivery.
3) The on-call support for questions.
I love having a woman on call to answer any and all questions I might have during pregnancy. When I need referrals for prenatal massages, chiropractors, acupuncture, whether or not to use Evening Primrose Oil, etc. I ask my OB and also my doula (or even other doulas). Good doulas are in-the-know when it comes to anything birth-related in the community, and they’re usually up-to-date with the latest studies on pregnancy and birth. Also, when labor started, I absolutely loved having someone to run my questions by. When my water broke, Tim called our doula within minutes, and we even texted her a picture to ask whether it was my mucus plug or meconium we were staring at on our bathroom floor (sorry for the visual). We asked what our next steps should be and continued to check in with her frequently with what we needed to do throughout the day before heading in to the hospital. If labor had actually started, she would have come to our house to help us labor there and to help us determine when to head in to the hospital. This sort of knowledge and just having an extra person there during the process is invaluable to me. *Sidenote, of course we also called the midwives when my water broke, since a doula is not a medical professional and cannot give that kind of advice.
4) The experience/knowledge.
During labor and delivery, it was awesome to have someone in the room to tell me what positions I should try and to tell me encouraging things and to remind me to relax and breathe. Tim is a great teammate, but he isn’t as great of a labor and delivery coach, because (duh) he hasn’t done this hundreds of times before! Even though he took tons of classes, watched videos, and felt prepared to help me during labor and delivery, he quickly realized he was way out of his comfort zone and loved the assistance provided by the doula. He actually insisted we hire one again for this pregnancy!
5) The advocacy.
Every time the nurses or midwife suggested we do something, I looked to our doula to see if she agreed with what was being said. She never tried to argue with anyone in the medical community, but her approval of our plan made me feel like everyone was helping us to make the best decisions we could. When I wanted an epidural, she did a great job of holding me off for a bit longer and asking the nurses about alternative pain meds. Eventually, I did get the epidural, but it meant a lot to me that she believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself and also that she tried her hardest to stick to the birth plan I had laid out. However, she could also tell when enough was enough and encouraged me when I decided to get the epidural and still continued to coach me through the labor and delivery experience without making me feel like a failure (which I sort of felt like at that point).
6) The reassurance.
I like knowing that I’m setting myself up for the best possible scenario, no matter what ends up happening. I know that having a doula improves my odds of having the type of birth experience I want, and I find a lot of reassurance in that. Also, my last labor and delivery did not go as I wanted at all. However, when the OB said I needed an emergency c-section, it was nice to look over to my doula and have her calmly tell me that it was the best decision and that we all did everything we could do. I didn’t feel forced into the decision and I didn’t feel taken advantage of. I really appreciated having someone else in the room who wanted me to be able to give birth how I wanted to give birth, but could also tell me with confidence that our plan needed to change.
7) The aftermath.
After the c-section, our doula was with Tim and me in the recovery room, and she left us to go get the grandparents to bring them into the room so Tim didn’t need to leave my side. She stayed with us for a while after the surgery, but because Clara was in the NICU, she left before we were able to see her again. In an ideal world, she would stay for a few hours until breastfeeding is established and until we’re comfortable. We actually talked to doulas here in Seattle that said they have been allowed in the OR for c-sections, which I would have liked because that was quite a scary experience for me and I was way, way out of it. Plus, Clara was born in critical condition, at which point Tim and I could have used some extra reassurance and support, or she could have stayed with me so that Tim could have followed the baby. One thing that we’re asking our current doula to do (that our last one didn’t do) is to write notes during the labor and delivery. It’s amazing how not-at-all-detailed the medical notes are from labor and delivery, and going into our second time, I wish I had more info on what was said during our first birth so I could provide our doula and OB with as much info as possible. Also, I think if I had notes on what actually happened I’d be able to process it better – since my mind conveniently blocked out the entire event right after it happened.
Our ultimate goal is (obviously) to end up with a healthy baby and a healthy mom. I feel extremely fortunate that I am working with an OB who really supports VBAC patients and who is open and friendly and who answers my questions honestly and believes that patients she works with should be given a lot of respect and responsibility for making decisions about how they want to give birth. In no way do I think a doula can replace a good midwife or OB, and I don’t believe they should make decisions for the mom. However, our doctor simply won’t spend that much time with me during labor, but a doula will never leave my side. Also, we go to a women’s health center that has about 8 doctors on rotation, so the chance is low that I’ll even deliver with my OB, but my doula will be a familiar face and will be someone who will know my birth plan ahead of time. Even though the health of both myself and the baby is the number one priority, I also think having a good labor and delivery experience is important, and having a doula will help make that possible.
We will end up spending around $1k to hire a doula, and no matter what happens during our labor and delivery, I know that it will be worth it.
Did you work with a doula or are you considering working with one in the future? What questions do you have?
