I think there may be an unwritten rule that an ‘expecting’ parent isn’t supposed to have a strong preference about whether they would prefer a boy or a girl baby.

However, I wanted a girl.

Of course, now it’s safe to say that since I have (another) one.

When I was pregnant with Clara, I didn’t care about her gender. Plus, I just knew she was a girl. Don’t ask me how I knew, but I did.

When I became pregnant with Isabelle, I didn’t hesitate to tell people that we weren’t finding out the gender, but I wanted a girl, even though I was probably going to have a boy.

I think I actually convinced myself I was having a boy because I wanted a girl, and I didn’t want to be surprised/disappointed. However, my pregnancy was the exact same both times, so I kind of thought I might be having a girl. Still, unlike my first pregnancy, I didn’t predict a gender with confidence.

Now don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have been too disappointed with a boy. My reasons for wanting a girl was to give Clara a sister close in age (because I never had one) and also because we have so many cute girl clothes already that I’d love to reuse. I expect we’ll have more children in the future, and I would love to welcome a little boy into the mix at that time, but given the closeness in age, I was rooting for a girl this time.

And God gave me (another) one!

I was expecting Tim to announce the gender at the time of the baby’s birth, but circumstances didn’t really play out as I had willed them too (do they ever?!) and I ended up finding out the gender from a nurse (accidentally) and then confirmed by my doula and OB in the c-section recovery room. And gosh, I really think it was one of the happiest moments of my life. (And it would have been equally happy if I had found out it was a boy – I was just thrilled to hear any news about my baby!)

To wait 10 months for the  birth of a baby and to go through a 36 hour labor and then an operation (during which I wasn’t conscious), and then wake up and hear that I have a healthy baby girl… it was too much for my heart to handle then and it still makes me tear up as I type this.

Because I knew at that second that I we had created another daughter for Tim and me, a sister for Clara, a granddaughter for our parents, a niece for our siblings… you get the idea.

It all became real for me in that one moment.

I know nothing about having two girls because in my family I was the only girl (with two brothers), but I’m so excited to see the bond that I’m sure Clara and Isabelle will have. I know and expect there will be days of fighting, but I’m also so sure that there will be an immense love between them.

Gosh, I seriously can’t believe that I’m the mom of not just one, but two babies. Two baby girls.