I feel like I’m over here treading water lately, guys. I’m not going to lie, this mom-of-two thing is kicking my butt like none other lately.
Do you know those days/weeks/months when everything just seems especially hard? I’m in the midst of a long spell of that.
I’m not sure if it’s the fact that Clara didn’t nap some days recently, or that Isabelle hasn’t napped her entire life (10 minutes is not a nap, Isabelle!), or that I’ve been running around like a crazy person trying to get lots of ‘life’ stuff done, or if the construction next door is making me actually crazy… I just can’t pinpoint what is causing this funk of mine. I just know that I’m in survival mode.
I’m so thankful for the playdates, coffees, conversations with friends, and the tiny bits of ‘me’ time that have kept me going.
Believe me, I’ve tried to keep this girl’s hair out of her eyes. All attempts have failed.
Because I’m having a hard time.
It isn’t the busyness – that’s what is keeping me sane, actually – it’s the loneliness and frustration of listening to a crying baby and tantruming toddler, and the strain in my back from carrying a not-so-little baby because she won’t be put down, and the sleep deprivation, and the uncertainty of so many things. It’s the never-ending laundry and dishes and cleaning up toddler messes and changing diapers and making food non-stop and breastfeeding (every 2 hours! Still!) and trying to keep life organized yet fun.
I am so worn out from being a mom 100% of each and every day. I’m sure staying at home (as opposed to working outside of the home) makes it harder. I’m sure breastfeeding makes it harder. I’m sure the hormones make it harder. I’m sure this particular age of both girls is making it harder. I’m sure Tim’s long working hours is making it harder.
But if I’ve learned anything from Finding Nemo it’s that I need to just keep swimming.
Even if that means crying in the shower and drinking an extra glass of wine or coffee, I need to keep going! I kind of have no other choice.
I do plan on getting some ‘me time’ soon during Tim’s paternity leave that starts next week. I just need to get there.
This motherhood thing… man, there is absolutely no way I could have been prepared for this.