It’s been 6 months since our wedding.
Six.Freaking.Months.
Wow. I really cannot even understand how time goes by as fast as it does. I mean, 6 months… really?!
(OK, I’ve recovered from the shock, we can continue on with the rest of the blog post now).
I’m not sure if we’re still in the ‘honeymoon’ stage at this point, since the Husband and I lived together for about 18 months years before we got married, but I will say that I am finding this first year of marriage to be a very sweet phase in life, even though sometimes it can be challenging.
And by ‘sometimes’ I mean ‘every time I don’t get my way’.
What can I say?! I’m a difficult woman only human.
Do I ever regret marrying my husband? Heck to the no. Never. Ever.
Which is probably a good sign, since it’s only been 6 months! But still…. let’s just celebrate the little victories, shall we?!
Anyway, in most areas of life I’m afraid of commitment, but getting married to the Husband was the easiest decision I’ve ever made.
I knew almost immediately after we met (well, 3 months or so in) that he was ‘the one.’
(He definitely couldn’t say the same about me, but that’s a whole different story…)
How did I know, you ask? (OK, you may not be asking, but I’m about to tell you anyway).
Because I realized early on that this man has a kind heart, which to me was the most important thing in a forever-partner.
And my number one piece of advice to single (dating) friends is to find someone with a kind heart. That’s really it. Everything else will fall into place. (Unless the person happens to be unemployed or an addict or something like that, but that’s a topic for a different time.)
So how do you know that the person you’re (considering) dating has a kind heart?
- They treat strangers well. I think it’s more important to observe how a person treats others than it is to look at how they treat you, because to me that’s when a person’s true self comes out. In the Husband’s case, whether it’s a waiter at a restaurant, someone whose car broke down in the middle of the road, or a person who happens to be ahead of us in a line, the Husband always goes out of his way to be friendly and helpful to others.
- They have a heart for service and especially care about the less fortunate.
- They love your friends (and their kids!) and treat them well. From the very beginning the Husband has treated my best friends as his best friends. When my best friend (and eventual MOH!) could no longer walk from bar to bar in impractical high heels she had worn out, the Husband (even though he had just met her that night) carried her around the streets of Chicago. Did it help that she’s a very attractive blonde? Probably. (But I know he would have done the same for anyone).
- They actually enjoy spending time with their family… and your family, too!
- They are generous with time, money, energy, etc.
- They forgive easily and don’t hold a grudge. If a person cannot let go of the past it doesn’t bode well for the future. Ohhhh the crazy things I’ve put the Husband through that he’s almost instantly forgiven. I really should have a medal made for him.
- They don’t feed off drama. You know how the people who say they don’t like drama actually love drama with every ounce of their being? Those people should be avoided. Like the plague. Completely avoided. Thankfully, in the few years I’ve known the Husband he’s never once had a story involving drama between him and another person. If he has a problem with someone he’s able to communicate his feelings and get through it with minimal damage. It’s really quite amazing.
- And on that note, they doesn’t gossip or say mean things about other people. Ever. (or almost ever… everyone has their moments!)
- They really consider your wants, needs, etc. and are willing to compromise in the instances that both of your wants are conflicting.
Honestly, when I was dating around in my early 20s, after my last serious relationship ended, I was convinced I would have to settle if I ever wanted to get married. I was dating jerks (let’s be honest, most of them were, although there were some good ones in there!) who didn’t have genuinely good hearts. They didn’t treat others well, they didn’t treat me well, and I was definitely stuck in a cycle of awful dating.
I was ignoring what was really important (a kind heart!) and was focusing on things more like, ‘do we have fun together?’ // ‘does he take me out to nice restaurants?’ // ‘is he attractive?’
I guess at least I had criteria of some sort… right? (No!)
Well after a few years of this nonsense I became convinced that I would never find that ‘perfect guy’ who would sweep me off my feet.
…And let’s be honest, the Husband definitely didn’t sweep me off my feet. If anything, I was a bit underwhelmed when we first met. I mean, I wasn’t into ‘nice guys’ and he was so friggen nice. That was my huge complaint to my friends when I met the Husband in 2010… ‘He’s too NICE!’ Big problem, I know.
Then I realized, ‘Heck, I deserve nice! Everyone deserves nice!’ And I gave him a chance.
And then another chance. And another.
And I realized that he was everything I was looking for, even if I didn’t even know what I was looking for until I met him. And he was a bit more perfect for me than I ever thought possible, actually.
I have quite a few friends who are stuck in the jerk-cycle of dating, and I understand how it’s so easy to get wrapped up in it, but I really hope that each one of them can break the cycle, realize they deserve ‘nice’, and find a wonderful man with a kind heart.
Because nice doesn’t necessarily mean boring.
Now I’m no relationship expert and the Husband and I definitely do not have the perfect relationship… at all. But we are working on it, and he is committed to working on it with me – which is all I can really ask for.
Because 6 months ago we stood in front of our family and friends and we said we would stay together and love each other through everything that life could throw at us.
And now we’re 6 months in and have forever to go.
Cheers to love!
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